Thursday, November 30, 2006

Thoughts on Raising Husbands & Wives


I’ve decided to ask my children a couple key questions each night when I come home from work. I ask Isaiah, “Were you a good husband and father today?” Karis and Gloria are asked, “Were you a good wife and mother today?" I then follow up with other questions which get at the heart of their answers.

I do this because I want them to think long term about who they are becoming. I want Isaiah to be a good husband and father when he grows up therefore I want him to be training for this each day. I’m not looking for overly ambitious answers. If Isaiah says that he was a good husband because he took out the trash, then I rejoice. If Karis thinks she was a good mother because she helped Leslie by changing Abigail’s stinky diaper, then she gets a huge hug and smile reward.

I also want them to realize that they do have a wife or husband somewhere. They may not have met them yet. They certainly haven’t made any vows yet. But they are out there. We pray for them often (not only Leslie and me, but also the kids during devotions). I want my children to realize that their future spouses are growing up somewhere (here in the States or abroad) and God is working in their lives to prepare them as well.

I also want my children to recognize that they belong to another. They are not their own. Just as they belong to Christ, they also belong to their future spouse. My children are not free to give out hugs and kisses to just anyone. Isaiah is to kiss his wife alone. If I would be justly condemned for kissing a woman other than Leslie, then why would my boy be allowed to kiss a woman other than his wife?

I am training a godly man and a few godly women. Every single day counts. And God is faithful.

By the way, the photo is of Grandma Taylor's Thanksgiving table this year. What a godly wife and mother. Grandma (just a few months away from 90) prepared the Thanksgiving dinner almost single-handedly this year. We bless you Grandma.

3 comments:

ableknife said...

Sounds like you are raising a wonderful family. There's a book out right now that's great for moms called Preparing Him for the Other Woman by Sheri Rose Shepherd, which helps women to teach their sons Godly values in how to treat and love women. Sounds like a book that your family may benefit from. Blessings~

mm1280 said...

What if it isn't in God's plan for all of your children to get married one day?

Christopher said...

mm1280,

Good questions deserve poor answers on this blog!

Here's my attempt.

First, I think it is biblical to say that singleness is a special gifting/calling by God. God limits this gift/call to a very small number, let's say less than 5% just for conversation sake. Therefore, nine plus out of ten children are not called to be single and so need to be taught how to live in a marriage relationship. If the teaching does not happen, husbands will leave their wives and the children will be hurt.

As for the children who are actually called to be single, I can only assume that along with the calling comes the gifting of singleness. What I mean by this is, a woman who feels called by God to remain single, will also be well on her way to transfering the knowledge of relationships that she learned as a child into this alternative lifestyle.

I'm going out on a limb here by assuming that part of your question is concerned about parents creating desires in young children that may never be fulfilled. But as I understand it, God gifts those whom he has called to be single with alternative desires. Therefore, if the child grows older and the desires/expectations remain, they should assume that God has not called/gifted them to be single and should therefore continue to wait upon the Lord for either a spouse or new desires.

Thanks for helping me think through all angles of this question.

CT